1. |
Lydia, My Heart
04:57
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lydia,
my heart is burning
it was not you who lit the kindling
lydia,
my head is spinning
it was not you who got the wheel turning
so steer well clear
for I don't mean what I say
In a dream, I am standing at your window
looking in from outside
lydia,
my visions fading
it was not you, poison in my veins
so stay well clear
for I have killed all I care
in a dream,
you are standing at your window
but you can't see me here through the dark
in a dream,
i was drowning but I'm awake now
and you're still here at my side
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2. |
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I wish there was somebody to
tell me how I should feel.
I get so worked up over everything
doubting even when to raise my heel
Why am I not content with what I have?
Has my heart been lying to me?
Maybe its a time to make a change.
I feel so trapped by past
Mistakes are keeping me anchored still
Fickle and unloving is what I am
I can't help that I am no good
I get so angry all the time
I'm afraid but that's just no excuse
Maybe it's a time for you to make a change
Someday I will treat you good.
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3. |
Saltwater
03:31
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home
where I want to be
please take me home
it's you I wanna see
wrapped in sheets, white as virgin snow please take me home
kiss me softly to sleep
before the night breaks up
I'll be coming home
drawn on through the dark
by an aching long in my bones
when the sun comes shining through
her kisses will warm my callous
hands
cast soft blue shadow but they speak the words of comfort hope and
change
may be all I need but now I know that falling in love
is not so bad
when I'm with you
I'll carve out the earth
with my bare hands a place for us to rest
tears leave salt water scars
I'll follow their path
that leads me back to heart
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4. |
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you find a book of old songs, old scars and hand me my guitar
for you I open myself wide and inside the words still ring true
but I'll hide my pain inside a shame for no one to see
till you bring your warm love near transcend all my fear
and empty out my shell to set me free
let me bathe here in the light of your company
wind bows to the weight of the crow hanging on it's breath
suns swept away by floods of burning blood
mountains weep to feed the rivers and sounds
the song of your sweet love, it's voice dies down
no amount of talking will soften the blow
take this heart from my trembling hand
all I will need
for you to hold
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5. |
Mirror
05:50
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in the mirror i see your face
paler
waiting to age without a warning
blue eyes filled that same
emptiness
and a penchant for self-destruction
my first memory is of my mother screaming
as you smashed my stepfathers face
and the police came to carry you away from me
twenty-six years and I've still never seen so much blood
twenty-six years and I'm still trying to make sense
the touch of your callous hands
ciggarettes and cologne
a once comforting feeling of home
a weight that I must now carry too
the attempt of a child
trying to find a way of feeling closer to you
the last that I saw you was a week before my suicide
I was drunk to build the courage to confront you
"
how can I ever be loved?
is everything I feel right now a little more than just inside of me?
I'm thinking about what it would be like to grow older and have children of my own one day, but I'm completely terrified that I wont be able to love them enough
every day I feel like I'm becoming more of a burden on my friends lives
selfishness seems to come so easily to me
I don't want to be this person anymore
I don't blame you
All I really need to know is
if you could go back or do anything differently, would you?
I'm struggling to stay afloat and don't feel like I can turn to anyone
I just need a strong male figure in my life to give me some guidance
"
but instead, you told me I should be ashamed
and asked me to return the only photo I had of you
in the mirror I see my face,
a failure.
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6. |
When I Pass
04:04
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when I pass
don't let me be embalmed
just
dissolve into the earth
among the worms
and the weeds
to be reborn
as a wild flower
for you to admire
no need to remember me
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7. |
In Your Honour
05:19
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If god lives she doesn't want you to go
your power lies in your life
song your love in prayer, all beauty moves in ebb and flow
mother, if I ever hurt myself again
just know that it was never for a lack of love
only an escape from the pain
and for fear
for fear of another dawning sun
tell the ones that you love not to go
your power lies in the lives you shape and alter
trumpet songs like a prayer
movements of beauty
in your honour
the weights that drag you to hell may soon be shaken
a letter of light to all lives taken
at a hand never strong, frail and weakened
don't delay
hold fast
for this pain will decay
but tonight, i'm aching out
of the bed of the one I love
kindling to my coal
heart
feel it swell like the tide
till the wind
picks me up
and carrys me home
a meadow lies in the forest of dark thought
you'll find me there
centered among the pine
come back to me my love
make your way back to me my love
one more time
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8. |
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in the depths of the night I look to the moon
as tears start to run her light quivers and swoons
till that ciggarette burnt sun stings deep in my eyes
I just can't bring myself to pull the sheets back and rise
but then the thought it cuts me right to the bone
with kindness, friends and love we will never be alone
and ot was there in that it came to me
The most beautiful thing that I had ever felt
the elation was so overwhelming
I fell to my knees and I cried out
god, I’m so happy to be alive
you can do it
you're not alone
you are deserving of love
god, I’m so happy to be alive
youre not broken
you can pull through
you have it in you
I know you do
god, I’m so happy just to be alive
so long as you have people who love you,
everything will be o.k
god, I’m so happy just to be alive
and you are loved, truly.
god, I’m so happy just to be
and I love you. I really do
be kind to yourself
take care
x
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